I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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