Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
