I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
