I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
