i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm bleeding and have questions
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
