I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
