i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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