dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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