come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
