Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
