You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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