Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
