Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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