my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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