There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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