I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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