I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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