This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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