Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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