Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
