Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
