I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
