I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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