Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
