before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
