my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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