im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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