I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
