Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
