i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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