i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
