If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize