Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
