Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
