If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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