you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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