SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
