I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
pray to the hookup gods
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
