dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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