well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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