Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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