I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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