i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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