Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
