I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
