I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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