I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
