I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
