i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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