There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
