No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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