I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
