Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
