I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
