he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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