4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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