I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
