I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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