I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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