were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
