Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
