I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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