I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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