Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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