Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
