Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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