D3 body, D1 cock
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
