And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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