dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
