Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
