we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just invented taco cereal.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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